50 Reasons Why 'Rise of the Planet of the Apes' Sucked
- Opened August 5, 2011 | Runtime:1 hr. 45 min.
- Information for parents: Common Sense Media says OK for kids 13+. Read More
- Will Rodman (James Franco), a scientist in San Francisco, is experimenting with a drug that he hopes will cure his father's (John Lithgow) Alzheimer's disease. After his work is deemed a failure, Will becomes the guardian of Caesar, an infant chimp who was exposed in-utero to Will's drug. Caesar displays unusual intelligence, and Will decides to continue his experiments secretly. But as Caesar's intellect and abilities grow, he comes to represent a threat to man's dominion over Earth.
- Cast: James Franco, Freida Pinto, John Lithgow, Andy Serkis, Brian Cox, Tom Felton, David Oyelowo, Karin Konoval, Terry Notary, Richard Ridings, Chris Gordon, Devyn Dalton, Jay Caputo
- Director: Rupert Wyatt
- Genres: Action/Adventure, Sci-Fi/Fantasy
50 Reasons Why ‘Rise of the Planet of the Apes’ Sucked
1. I’ve always wanted to do the “yee yee yee” when I’m chasing things.
2. These graphics aren’t as good as I was expecting. The primates are extremely CGI’d.
3. “Keep your personal business out of it.” Scientists, always gets personal.
4. Lucas tower? Oh, you mean Hanoi Tower.
5. Security camera panning Bright Eyes, but the security guy wasn’t panning at all.
6. He just capped that monkey? No tranquilizers?
7. They didn’t know she was pregnant at all? How does that slip by scientists that have to monitor them all day long?
8. “He has his good days & his bad days.” You think I haven’t heard that in every other movie about a guy that has Alzheimer’s?
9. Hold on- you’re going to hang out with dada & not going to deal with the THING IN THE BOX?
10. How hot is that water? Better question- how cold is that house???
11. Well if you keep making monkey noises, you aren’t being quiet.
12. “He’s asking for your permission!” How do you not know anything about sign/monkeys?
13. “Climb! Climb!” No, he was going to stop halfway until you told him to keep going.
14. I can’t believe she’s JUST NOW finding out about this.
15. “Get out of my car!” What the fuck was your car doing unlocked & everything? I don’t care if you’re stopping at home for a few minutes, what the fuck.
16. Drive then reverse, then fucking around, but never puts it back in neutral before getting dragged out of the car.
17. How is Will NOT in jail & how is that chimp NOT euthanized????
18. You think they would have taken his clothes off.
19. That ventilation mask is pointless with that guy’s beard. Oh my God, Will’s mask isn’t even on tight either.
20. If Caesar’s so smart, then just tell him what the problem is.
21. That’s where you take your friends to hang out & drink?
22. Mission music with thunder noises while Caesar is breaking out.
23. Really dad? I just spent all this time smuggling shit for you & you just give up?
24. Wow, that’s quick, packing up all his stuff.
25. “Something’s aren’t meant to be changed.” Can’t you wait a bit to say this? I’m still in the grieving process.
26. This is seriously the nicest, biggest testing facility I’ve ever seen.
27. What the fuck is up with this neighbor? Mind your own business.
28. Those bags never have enough cookies, especially for that many monkeys.
29. Why would the apes split up after already being seen by the primate director dude? What would he have done? Fucking nothing.
30. Beard guy’s ear bleeding at the perfect moment when she walks in.
31. Oh, I think the movie is actually starting now. Jesus, took long enough to decide where the movie was going.
32. Cattle prods don’t make that charge up noise.
33. That would not have killed him. It wouldn’t have amplified just because of water.
34. Looks like a lot more apes than what there really were.
35. Now they are at the lab & there’s suddenly like, 200 of them.
36. The ones from the zoo… not like they’re smart, they weren’t even exposed to this 113 stuff.
37. The cop’s hood popped up before it was even hit.
38. “They’ll never get through here.” Well, you should say “well, we’ll get most of them.” Quit being so cocky.
39. All these apes are as big as humans for some odd reasons.
40. “Safety’s off!” At this point?! I think we are way past that point.
41. “Hold your fire!” Yeah, seriously guys. Wasting ammo.
42. Apes jumping on cops from under the bridge & there are no bullet holes in the bus.
43. With that big of a weight shift, it shouldn’t have taken that bird THAT long to go down.
44. How the fuck is he still alive on that helicopter?
45. Taking Will forever to yell at Caesar again.
46. Will got into a perfectly untouched cop car that was surrounded by the other cop cars that were all sorts of fucked up.
47. Caesar= the same height as Will.
48. Nobody followed the apes into the woods.
49. The National Guard would have been all over this from the start.
50. Hey, there’s that bridge we just stormed even though there is nothing around the bridge like that. Really only bushes & grass.
FAIL.
